somedays...

"In the beginning there may be some failures. That is quite natural. Just as a child is trying to stand, he may fall down. But that does not mean he should give up the idea. Go on. A time will come when he will be perfect. A time will come when you'll be perfect, Krsna Conscious." SP Los Angeles, January 1, 1969

Some days are just harder than others. Especially if I am sleep deprived and don't eat well. Its amazing because most of my problems sprout because of these two things. Today I was directed to dress the Sri Nathji Gopal. I cant believe how frustrated I was. I wanted to walk out of the deity room and walk through the snow and just keep walking and walking and walking. If the deity is stone then we can do what ever we want to it. We can decorate the stone in anyway just for show just for the darshan of the public. If the deity is a person, if He is Krishna then there is no faking anything. We have to serve Him as a person. We have to reciprocate with the person Krsna. Anyways, I was totally disturbed by the whole morning. I feel as if I don't even know what happened, I wasn't there. At least I wish I wasn't. Even when I ditched the kirtan and the Sb class for my asana practice I couldn't relax. My mind was just screaming at me. I was trying to pray and set an intention but I couldn't, my mind was just loudly saying 'get your bag walk and start walking because you've lost'. I haven't gone anywhere because stuffing my face with fresh pineapple, raw carrot cake, reading the above quote form Srila Prabhupada, and listening to Shimshai(http://www.shimshai.com) made me relax a bit.