I was a bit saddened about having to miss the next two weeks of our college quarter. Our first two weeks were met with so much enthusiasm from the students. Each program had so much participation, much more than I expected. I love being with the students and sharing with each other our experiences of life.
My Gurumaharaj told me to just stay committed and steady. To do that would now be my challenge and that dedication would allow me to learn and progress in my service. That is a difficult thing to do. I often want to quit and roam the world allowing the winds(of my mind) to guide me. Somehow or another I “keep on keeping on”.
I have a problem, well I have many problems but one is I have a problem of dedication and appreciation. I never learned to see how others appreciate who I am or how others are so willing to care for me. We identified this problem many years ago and decided that staying at New Vrindaban and sticking to college outreach despite all hardships would be good for me. Maybe I might learn something.
While growing up, nothing was regular, nothing was steady, and no one was committed to caring for me. I never felt that any thing was worth my time because it was going to change. I never felt anyone actually cared for me because in due course they would leave. I meet problems in my relationships again and again due to this.
I was homeless for awhile in high school and just roamed around from school, to work, and to friends homes on my bicycle. I stayed wherever I could. Usually most friend's parents were equally or more out of it than we were so I could just slide in and out unnoticed.
A few weeks into my senior year I was at our local park with friends and my residential situation became a topic of discussion. Various friends felt that they should figure this out for me. Many stepped up and invited me to stay at there home if their parents approved. One friend named Tara Zandler(who was actually not that close at the time) said she was going to ask her parents. The next day she enthusiastically approached me at school and said her parents were willing to meet me and if they liked me they would let me stay with them under certain rules etc.
I went to their home that same afternoon to meet and we spoke for some time. After our meeting they agreed to let me stay with them. I was amazed that someone would be so willing to reach out to do something like that, especially without even knowing me! I became one of the family, well kind of. There were many stories that went with that experience over the next year before I graduated and went off to college. If you want I can tell you later. The family themselves were unbelievable. They really acted as God’s caretakers of His lost child.
Now that I reflect, I see that from that time until now so many individuals who were not “related” to me in any way have been caring for and guiding me. Over the past years of my life in ISKCON I can honestly say that I am always cared for. I am maintained physically, emotionally, and spiritually by those within this family of Srila Prabhupada. Others are always willing to love, it is up to me to accept and appreciate their love.
One day I was selling books in St Louis Missouri and we met with HG Maha Muni Prabhu. He told us a realization he had. He quoted the move “Breakfast Club”. I appreciated his ability to connect a life lesson with a movie I watched so many times growing up. He asked if I remembered the scene where the “prom queen” and the “goth girl” were stoned and in the restroom brushing each others hair. The “goth girl” looked up at the “prom queen” and stated, “ I didn’t know you could be so nice!” The prom queen responded, “You never gave me an opportunity to be nice to you.”
With our college outreach we are just trying to share what we are receiving. We are attempting to facilitate the growth of an environment where students can allow us the to share our family’s love with them. We experience college outreach to be “creating a favorable environment where students can associate with that love of Srila Prabhupada.” I pray that we can be used to do that in the smallest way.
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