after midnight i think like this.

I'm outside right now relishing the warm weather and looking at the stars. They feel like old friends. I remember in Arizona sitting on the roof of our house, or driving to the desert, or camping on a mountain. The stars would blanket the sky and the more you stared into the sky which seemed to curve above you more and more stars would appear almost making it impossible to make out the major constellations. I sat on Mt Graham once at Geronimo Hot springs. It was a place where Geronimo would take his men to recover after a long scouting trip or a battle of some kind. It was probably exactly the same time of the year as now but 8 years ago or so. I sat with my hand in a hot steam of water meditating and praying for inner guidance. I peered out into the mysterious universe. I heard, "you have been wandering from planet to planet for so many lifetimes, fighting for this cause and that cause. Why don't you dedicate this one life to Me?" The Great Mystery had spoken. I really contemplated the Lords message and agreed to his direction. There is more to the story but you may think I am crazier than you already do if I explain further.

I stayed in Athens this weekend rather than returning to New Vrindaban. Our Yoga studio opens Monday and I start teaching at the studio on Tuesday. We had our final wrap up meeting today working out all the business details, paying the bills, and scheduling. During the meeting I had the chance to actually look at my schedule of events for this month. It's packed! Tuesday through Friday we are busy morning to night. The weekends are open for travel, New Vrindaban, continuing education and catching up. I feel very fortunate to be serving all day everyday. I always wanted to live a life where my work is what brings joy and inner fulfillment. I can honestly say that right now I see how that has been arranged. There is much work to be done, especially on myself. A number of weeks back I spoke with Acharyadeva about life and he told me to perform the Bhakti Check, a series of personal questions....

The Bhakti check:
Do I really want to do this service as an offering for Srila Prabhupada?
Do I feel Krishna’s presence in my life?
Am I reasonably attached to Krsna? Are my materialistic desires increasing?

Adjust. Make small adjustments to find balance.

I think i answered no no no yes. ouch. now i think i am answering, yes yes no yes. All of them I am working on. What I am appreciating most is that I have been gifted with a steady service to be able to notice and work on these points. On Tuesday we celebrate our 5th year anniversary of New Vrindaban College outreach. Just after we started my Gurumaharaja stopped me in the hallway behind the pujari room in New V and embraced me saying, "this is such a wonderful service. It is the best service you can do for the mission of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu." Hearing this I just put it in my head that i should try to stick with this and try my best. We have made unlimited mistakes and still do but steadiness is allowing us to make natural progress. The analogy is like the water dripping on a rock. Outreach and everything which is involved with it is like water which is dripping on my wicked heart.